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Wednesday, March 24, 2010


So, seeing how I am now at last gainfully employed you might think that the last thing on my mind would be making a foray into the field self-employment. How wrong you would be! Now that I no longer have to worry about a source of income day-to-day, I can use my free-time to pursue a recent brainchild of mine and start an extreme/emergency cases consulting firm. Rather than deal with mundane things like how to best market a product, organize a department, or not destroy an ecosystem my firm will deal in only the certified awesome. While this will obviously extend to such things as how to best construct one's underwater fortress of solitude in order to make it defensible from Godzilla and super-villains, we would additionally provide an emergency help line for people stuck in extreme/emergency situations to call and get top of the line advice. Here are some samples:

Problem: Ninjas are chasing me!
Solution: Ninjas can't catch you if you're on fire. (solution courtesy of

Problem: I've been cornered by a hippopotamus!
Solution: Make your peace with God.

Problem: I just finally harpooned a twisted and unholy whale-leviathan from the depths, but I can't think of a suitable one-liner!
Solution: All's well that ends whale.

Problem: I've been abducted by aliens that are going to force me to participate in a focus group for a collection of Vogon poetry they want to market! How do I escape?!
Solution: Dude, this is exactly the sort of situation they made the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy for. Sheesh, you probably don't even have a towel with you. Brilliant. Also, who's your wireless provider? You're getting really good reception for not being on the planet anymore.

As you can see, we can provide courteous, helpful, and most importantly awesome advice in a variety of situations! Look for our services in advertising sources everywhere, coming soon!

p.s. Not...not really.


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