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Thursday, April 07, 2005


Have you ever noticed that some of the most vile noises on earth proceed from the bowels of condiment bottles? I'm serious. I was making myself a perfectly normal sandwich at about 12:30 last night and the sounds that mustard bottle made me physically ill. If it were not for the fact that I'll eat anything I would be incredibly surprised that I was in fact able to eat the thing today. Ketchup bottles are no better. Ours is down to the very dregs and it produces some horrible and disgustingly juicy sounds when it is forced to give up what little of the Heins fortune it has left in it.....and I don't care what anybody says, turkey basters are just disgusting.

You know, I've got to stop starting posts one day and then finishing them up like two or three days later. It's very frustrating. For example, take the quote of the day. How am I supposed to have a quote for the day if I don't finish my posts on the same day I start them? I think I started this one on, what? Wednesday? That sounds about right. Oh look, there's a wee date at the bottom of the page. Yes, I did start it on Wednesday. Wow, I actually remembered something. Aren't you just so proud of me? Anyways, I'm going to stick up the quote of the day for Wednesday and call it the quote of the day regardless of what day it may or may not actually be in reality. Oh, and for those of you who find this quotation rather politically incorrect, I apologize. I am not politically correct, nor is the person I'm quoting. That's why it's funny. Get it? Yeah, well just read the quote why don't you, huh?

"I feel so special now. I saved a Mexican!" -Rory Cullen, having just completed his wee letter to our lovely senator on the issue of migrant farm workers' rights after much persuasion to do so by a man who once wore lederhousen while campaigning for student government senator. (4/6/05)

*bouncy bouncy bouncy bouncy*

Wow, I'm hyper. It's so weird. The less sleep I get, the more hyper I get later in the day, starting pretty much right after lunch. Like at the prayer vigil. There was about one hour when I suddenly just got really hyper. I believe I jumped over Jo's wee head....scared the crap out of her too if I recall....mmmmmmm.....or the time in my French class when I had gone to bed at 4:30 the night before and I was so much more active than usual (e.g. they weren't checking ym pulse every five minutes to make sure I was still there) they actually asked me if I was on crack.....good times, although I wish my leg would stop bouncing all over the place like that. It's getting kinda annoying....

I'm going to have an anouncement to put up here soon....and if you know what it is (or think you know) then you can just keep that to yourself.

Man, sick people can be really scary. This morning I heard this hacking and wheezing sound coming at me from the other side fo the fridge door. I shut the door and turned to see my sick mother lurching towards me all hunched over with her arms kinda held out in front of her uttering the most horrifying of noise. Her face was even scary looking, with her eyes all squinty and her face scrunched up. I seriously thought my mother had died and become a zombie and was now coming to eat my brain, probably after infecting me and letting me die slowly. Do you know how disconcerting that is early in the morning when you aren't fully awake yet and all you want to do is eat your cream of wheat and not go to school? Oi...

Well, that's about all my scattered brain can come up with right now (that is suitable for all audiences), so I'll just leave you with this: There was once a man who worked at a factory. One day, he was assigned to give a tour of the factory. While they were on their tour, the man decided to show them how one machine worked. This machine was a press composed of a heavy, flat metal section that would slam down on top of another when a foot pedal was depressed. As the man explained how it worked, he placed his hand on top of the first metal plate where the material to be pressed would go and then stepped on the foot pedal. Horrified at seeing the stump of the man's hand, one of the people on the tour cried out "What did you do?!" Somewhat dazed, the man stuck his other hand on the plate and said, "Well, I just stuck my hand on her like this and stepped on the pedal like this..." and proceeded to step on the pedal. The moral of this story: stupidity and other people's misfortunes can be downright hilarious. Well, goodnight everybody.


Blogger gelfling said...

dang.. i'm not sure that hilarious is quite the right word.. more like "terrifying".. no really.. i'm terrified.. shocked.. wow..

and yes.. you DID scare the crap out of me.. docile ben leaping like an antelope.. wow..

12:34 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

yep... Ben can jump.
I'm scared to jump over ppl, b/c I'm not sure I'll make it so it would scare me just as much as the person I would happen to jump over.

10:28 PM  
Blogger PlushToy said...

Yeah, my original plan was to keep jumping over people 'til I missed and either killed myself or one of them, but I believe I was waylaid in my plan by a resounding cry of "Knot Now!"

And I cannot Jump. I'm white.

9:10 PM  

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