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Friday, February 25, 2005

The Wheel is Turning, but the Hamster's Dead...

Wow, I suck royally. I haven't posted in what, two days? I feel like such a horrible person. How can I ever make it up to y'all? *sigh* I don't suppose I could blame it on my English teacher? No? Ah well, on with the post then.
So yeah, apparently my lovely five-day weekend turned my work ethic into a gooey, atrophied paste which has made this one of the longest three-day weeks school-wise that I can remember (not that I can remember ever having a three-day week before this one, but that's entirely beside the point). I think I was up until like three or four on Tuesday finishing up my work, although I really have no right to complain since I know people end up doing that on a fairly regular basis (you know who you are and so do I, and so does God, 'cause I keep tellin' Him about ya). Still, it made for a rather tired Ben this week, hence why I did not join certain peoples today for whatever it was y'all ended up doing, a fact which has greatly saddened me and for which I shall beg your forgiveness over on bended knees until you beat me with sticks, rocks, and small children to get me to stop (saying you forgive me sure won't work. I'm not only stubborn, I'm stubbornly sensitive). I suppose it's all for the better though, considering it wouldn't have been very fun having to drag a semi-conscious, vacuous, only pseudo-solid blob of a Ben around with you who's best attempt at conversation would be to drool on you. Oh, and to whoever it was who took Ray's place at the computer, I am greatly sorry I mistook your identity (if in fact I did, which, due to the sneakiness of some individuals, I have not entirely ruled out, although I think it highly unlikely). In my defense, um...I'm a moron? Also, certain elements of your conversation (NOT your initial question, to which the answer is still no, but to references to a certain "promise") rang bells in my cobweb of a brain that set random neurons firing off in a desperate attempt to discover if they were in fact totally alone that by some twisted quirk of fate strung a coherent statement together and stuck the name "Jo" on the end of it. That and it's incredibly hard to tell people apart on IM, especially if they have even remotely similar modes of speaking. I should've strung you along longer to see if I could figure out (a distinct lack of both sufficient "mmm"ing and use of words such as "d'lish" and "tevah" would have quickly distinguished you from Jo). Anywho....I'm going to stop babbling on about this now, 'cause alf of you have no clue what I'm talking about and the half of you that do have something resembling a clue probably don't care all that much except for wondering how on earth I have avoided getting commited on grounds of being certifiabley insane for this long.
Wow, have you noticed that I have a tendency to use more parentheses than God ever intended? I mean, I used parenthetical statements in five out of the eight sentences in my first paragraph. I'm sure that's illegal in most states, well at least in Alabama (speaking of illegal, guess what you can't do with a porcupine in Florida?). AAAGGH! I did it again. I can't seem to stop. It's an addiction, like parentheticrack or something. Now I'm gonna have to join EMA (English Majors Anonymous) or a support group for abusers of the English language or something. Let this be a warning to all of you: keep your children away from quiet, dorky, somewhat intellectual looking individuals, or else they could get hooked on perverted grammar and syntax. Do you want to be responsible for that? Do you want your kids to end up like me? One in five highschool students in advanced English classes is either already addicted to parentheticrack or will be offered it before they go to college. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.
While I'm on this thread, I present to you this excerpt from a conversation between to people in my AP English class as evidence that a liberal arts education can do horrible things to you. Observe:
"So, were you born in September?"
"No, I like the color blue."
Make it stop! The surreality hurts my brain, like broken glass being shoved into it....broken glass that's on fire....*whimper*
Hmmm, would it help you guys if I put lines between the various, for lack of a better word, "sections" of my entries? Would that make life easier for all of you? Just let me know and I'll see what I can do. After all, this thing is just as much for you as it is for me. So let your voice be heard and deluge me with feedback.
I think it's trying to escape....fascinating.
That's it folks. That's all I got for tonight. The well is dry and the bucket is gone. Ben is closed for business. I leave you with this:

Today's quote for the day: "It's a shoulder condom".
'Nuff said.

Rock out everybody. Now y'all leave me be, I need to go and rediscover sleep...who knows, maybe I'll find myself on the way down the stairs. You never know.


Blogger gelfling said...

mm.. i'd have to say this has been your best post yet.. by far.

kid, you really should have come with us! we just sat around all evening, it was great. there were no whinings of "let's go do something.. cmon you guys.. like now.." etc, so we had a jolly good time just "chilling" at sips. :P

umm.. i'm a little confused and would like to ask for some clarification. why exactly was a "coherent statement" strung together with my name on the end? were you saying that you thought it was me, or were you talking about me? i would kinda sorta like to know... ya know? (and no that was not me.. i was summoned over to the laptop but left almost immediately in disgust at the little i saw.)

oh, and the parinthetical substance i regularly inject (usually into my arms, but there are other places..) is more akin to heroin than crack, just so you know. (at least i don't have a problem with commas, right?)

11:05 AM  
Blogger PlushToy said...

I don't know about commas, but when it comes to ellipses...

11:40 AM  
Blogger heartlikeaglass said...

my name is alyssa, and i am a parentheticrack addict...

1:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know what you wrote. Maybe I'll come back and read it sometime. Just felt like dropping in. I don't care about commas or punctuation, I don't like English or particularly regard those who teach it. I just happen to speak it. Who am I?

4:39 AM  
Blogger PlushToy said...

The marginally creepy kind of person who will make me block anonymous posts?

4:33 PM  
Blogger The George said...


... I've been using paren for years, man!!! (extended bawling)...

Oh, and that quote at the end was by me, wasn't it? Email me and tell me what it was in reference to, cause I actually can't remember and I would like to have that bit of humor stored in my memory banks for posterity...

7:14 PM  
Blogger PlushToy said...

I'll send that right to ya bro, along with the patent application.

12:28 AM  
Blogger gelfling said...

mm.. it seems that the hampster is long dead..

8:40 PM  
Blogger PlushToy said...

We'll be having a funeral later this week...right after me next post....stupid research papers and horrible time management skills....stupid hamster.

11:23 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

how'd it die? I'll come to the funeral, but only if I know how it died.

9:26 PM  
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5:23 AM  

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