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Saturday, February 05, 2005


And now for the part of the blog where I do what I do best: ramble! Yes, of all my talents, transcribing my longwinded, non-linear and most often logical-to-no-one-but-meself thought process seems to be one of the foremost. I'm serious, my potential to ramble is a thing of legends. I'll start by talking about deep, serious spiritual issues and struggles in my life and a few minutes later I'll end up musing about who invented underwear and what exactly was their inspiration for inventing such a seemingly superfluous layer of clothing (occasionally I'll go from underwear to God, but not nearly as often). Yes, such are the things that occupy my brain. Sometimes I think the thoughts are just fighting it out up there amongst themselves to see who gets to be thought next and it usually ends up confusing me. If this is the case, then it must happen a lot, because I spend a great deal of the time confused. I can proudly say that I am one of the few people I know who can spontaneously confuse themselves on a regular basis. I do have a sneaking suspicion that my frequent confusion is actually an internal safeguard against knowing too much that I shouldn't know. What evidence do I have you ask? Well, I have this annoying knack for walking into conversations at the absolute worst possible moment where the first thing I hear could, not knowing the context of the statement, be taken so many horrible and terrifying directions that it would have the potential to leave me a shattered husk of a man whimpering in a dark corner for the rest of my life; however, before my traitorous mind can fling itself down such dark paths, dragging me along with it to that pathetic doom, I find myself enveloped in a protective haze of confusion. Thus and only thus are my mind's insidious machinations designed to rid itself of me brought crashing down. This is the point where anyone reading this who doesn't know me that well (or maybe even some of those that do) shakes off his or her deer in the headlights look and frantically begins searching for a phone book so they can look up the number of the nearest institution that can spare a padded room to keep this madman off the streets. To those of you for whom this is true, I would like to say that you have nothing to worry about and to offer you this reassurance: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! I WILL EAT YOUR CHILDREN'S STUFFED ANIMAL TOYS IN FRONT OF THEM WHILE SINGING THE ALPHABET SONG BACKWARDS IN AN EVIL VOICE!!!!
Hmmm. methinks I need to work on my reassurances, no?

p.s. I'm really not crazy. I promise. least not MOST of the time.


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